from the heart ok, so i just dont update much anymore. i think its because i dont think anyone reads it and cuz i dont really have much to say....or....i do have alot to say i just dont think its worth typing. so....i prolly got alot to say and its all about to spew out....GO...... 1. i have been a horrible friend to some really great friends lately. i just dont call them or email them. i have no excuse but laziness. i mean how hard is it to talk on the phone. yeah i know, but if you know me....i mean really know me....i really dont like to. but it is no excuse to call firends to see how they are doing and find out about their lives....especially when they need you, and you know they need you. horrible. i think also what has been causing the laziness is this damn job. it is killing me slowly. and i feel it everyday. 2. the job. hate is all i can really think about it right now. i finally made it to the floor....i could only do almost one full box (contains about 10-20 files) a night. the next day (after only being on the floor for one night!) they told us that we all had to do 3 boxes a night! had to...no questions....even the new people. WHAT THE HELL???! not that im not stressed out enough, trying to not make any mistakes cuz im on the floor now and we have people checking for mistakes.....now i have to get 3 boxes when i could hardly do one. even the veterens were freaking out. so yeah...i have been crying alot from all the stress at work. AND they told us that we have manditory saturdays....12-6pm....and we still have to do 3 boxes. normal night 10hrs...overtime saturday 6hrs....still 3 boxes!!!!! so...alot of stress....2 days to see justin outta the whole week, and not even back to back......and not much sleep = HATE! im actually really amazed that they dont have bomb threats from the employees just so we wouldnt have to work. 3. christmas? what christmas? christmas is passing me by.....and its all because of my overworked-underpaid job. everything happens at night during cmas....i work at night. im so pissed about it too. i LOVE cmas, and all the things you do during the cmas time...i love the feelings you get and everything about it. i have gotten to experience NOTHING cmas. i knew i wouldnt and i balled about it when i got the job...and when cmas came. i dont have time to do anything its amazing that i even got some shopping done. i was going to decorate our "house" a little but i didnt even get that accomplished. it just feels like another month really. so many things i have had to miss cuz of my job. and i even get to miss out on half of the Newkirk cmas this year. we are having it on this saturday.....i have to work from 12-6pm but everyone will be here hanging out all day without me....then when i come home we are going to eat then open gifts....fine and all, but i just have to miss out on the hanging out part....it just sucks! Relient K has a song titled "Always winter, and never christmas" yeah thats so my life right now. 4. marriage. my brother got married. cool. and i love it. and im happy for him. but i feel like i lost a really close friend. i feel like i gave someone up. i havent seen him since...they have been soooo busy with school homework and stuff.....it sucks. i miss him soooooo much. i know that he isnt gone...but it sure feels like he is. i just miss him. 5. the man upstairs. i know some of you have known that i have just been pissed. at Him especially. WAAAYYY in my deapest heart i still am. i think im just more disappointed & let down & and i feel abandoned. i have not been to church in a really long time. i went once....it was so hard to be there, i cryed the whole time we sang songs...i didnt sing them. i couldnt. even now im crying cuz i just cant hold it in. i just really dont know what to do. i know that we should try to be happy in whereever we are in life, but i just am not. i cant get over about how much i hate the job that i have even though i know He provided it for us. i just really feel like there was other options he could have provided. im so miserable and stressed out there even when i try to be happy....its not a place to be happy at.....its SO stressful and hard, and hard on our marriage. please pray for me, because i just really cant come outta this. i really am scared about how much i am soooo mad at Him. i just am though. if you have read all of my ranting and complaining then wow you are friends...or just snoopy...haha. | 
